Kitxunei (chaosoftwilight) wrote,


X-posting what I wrote on my facebook:

So, I had my final thesis presentation this morning. I got very mixed reviews and I'm not sure yet if I passed or not.

Regardless, thank you to all of you who supported me and sent words of encouragement. That sounds really cheesy, but I mean it - it helps. And I don't want to disappoint any of you. I'm doing my best. Even if I don't enjoy this profession as much as others do, I owe it to myself to still try my best, of course. I have a LOT of room for improvement, but that is motivating to me in itself. :)

Anyway, whatever happens with school, I'm still moving on with life. I have some awesome things planned ahead. And I'm gonna polish some of my schoolwork from the past few years for my website/blogs (though I honestly hate 90% of it)... and work on some personal projects~

Livejournal side-note:

I will still be significantly disappointed in myself if I fail. That said, it's important for me to stay motivated and keep moving forward.

I have concluded that I am NOT good at 3D art overall. Honestly, I first started 3D right after high school, which was in 2008, about 7 years ago. In that time, I have done very little compared to what I think I have the potential to do. I hate going into "shoulda, coulda, woulda"s, because I learned that is definitely NOT how life works (there will ALWAYS be a "you SHOULD have done this" moment). But still -- I learned that I do not have an extreme passion for this, and often dreaded the need to work on my projects, which significantly hurt my motivation and results.

I love art in general, but I am disappointed that I barely improved my drawing skills at all (3D does not involve a lot of hand-drawn illustrations), and more importantly, that I believe my creative spirit has actually been extremely stifled from my years of being there.

I know I saw this coming, since people warned me about it. When you are FORCED to do art -- when art is no longer an expressive vent, but instead it becomes WORK -- you greatly lose your passion for art. I used make art all the time for fun, and now, I turn more to video games, pets, and other hobbies. Because I already spend my whole working day doing art, I don't want to do MORE of it during my break time. And yes, I know, there are people out there who DO, who have an extreme passion for art, and THEY are the people who post their epic artwork online that they worked so hard to achieve. But simply, I am not one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I do love art, and probably always will. But to me it is simply one aspect of my life, out of many. I love my hobbies, I value my de-stressing "me time", and I would not trade my good times with friends for anything else in the world. The people in this industry who excell the most are the ones who dedicate their entire lives to their profession. I respect that I lot. And that is not me.


p.s. - leaving this post public so you stalkers can read it too :3
Tags: life, school

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